To worry, or not to worry. That is the question.

Well......wow. I don't think I have ever written a serious post. Ha, I may not even be capable of it. Of course, just because I am discussing a serious subject, it doesn't mean I have to discuss it seriously, right? Ok, boys, look away. I'm talking about girly stuff here. I'm sure you have no interest in reading any further.

Last weekend, while scratching an itch, I noticed something that wasn't right, a tender spot. As I always do, I probed around the tender spot a bit, trying to figure out what it was that was causing the tenderness. Usually I discover a bruise I didn't know I have. I get a lot of bruises at work, specifically on my thighs from walking into the metal bag racks at the registers. Ouch. This time, though, I discovered a tiny little lump just under the surface of my skin. It was about the size of a small pea, and smooth, and it hurt when I pressed on it. Now, I am familiar with small, painful lumps under my skin. Back in November of 2011 I told you about my Hidradenitis, which causes inflammation of my sweat glands. These bumps appear on my legs and under my arms, usually. This was not one of those bumps. This bump was in my left breast. (see boys, I told you it was girl stuff. Now go away!)

Yikes!! A lump in my breast? Of course, what was going through my head was probably the same thing that's going through your head right now. Breast cancer. Scary stuff, right there. I called the doctor the very next day. In the meantime, I did a little research on breast lumps. What I found eased my mind a little. On a UK medical website, I found what they call "5 basic rules every woman should know."

1. Painful lumps are less likely to be dangerous than painless ones. As I mentioned above, this little lump hurts. Especially when pressure is applied to it.
2. Soft lumps are less likely to be dangerous than hard ones. Well, THAT one didn't make me feel any better. My little lump feels hard to me.
3. Lumps that move freely are less likely to be dangerous than ones that don't. My little lump is a slippery little bugger. It kinds slides this way and that way when you push on it.
4. Smooth lumps are less likely to be dangerous than rough ones. My little lump is very smooth.
5. Lumps that grow very fast over a few days or weeks are unlikely to be dangerous. Well, mine kind of appeared suddenly, from what I can tell. It's shape and size hasn't changed in the week since I found it.

So, I went into my appointment today thinking that my hidradenitis had simply found a new place to express itself.  The doc, of course, questioned me about my family history.  I told her about my grandmother, who had had breast cancer.  I couldn't give her much information though, since the family is pretty close-mouthed about personal things like medical history.  Then she examined me.  At first, she couldn't even find the lump (I SAID it was small LOL).  I showed her where I felt and she said "Wow! That IS small!" and she commented about how it moves all over the place when you touch it.  Meanwhile, I'm laying there wincing because she's pushing this little thing here and there and hello! I had told her that it was tender to the touch (it's actually still kinda sore now, 3 hours later, from her messing around with it so much).  She didn't seem overly concerned and never mentioned the big C word (hooray!).  She ordered an ultrasound because "it may be a cyst."  And, because grandma did have breast cancer at some point, she ordered a mammogram, just to play it extra safe.  So a week and a half from now, I get to be poked, prodded and squashed.  But we'll find out what's going on and what to do about it.  For now, I am fairly certain that it's not something I need to be really worried about.

Creepy Dream

What are your dreams typically like?  Do you have recurring dreams?  Have you ever flown in your dreams?  Been chased?  Been attacked by bugs?  I have had all these types of dreams, and more.  My most recent memorable dream left me shaken and on edge.  It was just last night, or this morning, more like:

I was at my grandma's house in Grand Marais.  It was raining outside and when I looked out the window, I saw a large, white wolf on the roof.  I also noticed that the house was leaking in the room I was sleeping in.  The ceiling and wall were both soaking wet.  The wallpaper and plaster were soggy and starting to sag away from the wall. I didn't have time to wonder about the wolf though, because my alarm went off and I woke up.  Carl and I both got up.  It was just starting to get light outside.  I peeked out the window and saw Madison wandering around outside.  I couldn't figure out why she was outside when she should have been in bed.  I opened the window and called to her.  She looked just as confused as I was, but she came inside anyway.  She was wearing jeans shorts, a white T-shirt, and a ribbon tied in her hair like a headband.  Something wasn't right about her.  She seemed different to me, which only confused me more.  She seemed younger than she had been when I put her to bed earlier.  Her eyes were getting red, like when you have pinkeye.  She rubbed them saying "Mommy, my eyes are really hot.". It was all so strange to me that I left the room and went to Madison's room.  There, I discovered Madison sleeping soundly in her bed, right where she was supposed to be.  So who - or what - was in my bedroom?  I went back in to find out. The strange version of Madison now had blotchy redness all around the eyes, like a rash. 

She looked at me, and her eyes rolled back into her head. It came toward me, and I screamed.  Carl walked into the room to see why I was screaming.  But it wasn't really him.  His eyes, too, were surrounded by a blotchy redness.  When his eyes rolled back into his head, I opened my mouth to scream and.....

.....my alarm went off.  Again.  This time, I woke up for real.....I think.