I feel guilty because I work. I'm at work more than I'm at home with the kids. Sometimes the kids are home alone because I'm working and the hubby is somewhere doing something. But I feel guilty when I have to say no to something the kids want because I don't have enough money. Gotta work. I feel guilty because I'm a manager at a retail store, instead of an engineer, because I spent 5 years studying to be an engineer, and we'd have much more money if I was. I feel guilty because I'm a night owl and hubby isn't. So when he goes to bed, I'm not tired yet, so I stay up and watch TV or read or sew or write or play games on my phone. When I have several opening shifts in a row, and I get tired early (because I'm not a morning person and getting up THAT early makes me exhausted), I feel guilty for going to bed when hubby stays up to finish a movie. I feel guilty when I don't go for a run, because I know I should, because I need to exercise and take care of me. BUT when I go running, I feel guilty because I should be home doing stuff and spending time with the family. I feel guilty because my house isn't Mrs Cleaver clean. I feel guilty every time I look at my craft table because it's buried in half-done projects. Some of them for the kids, but they're too old for them now.
I am wracked with guilt day in, day out, no matter what I do or don't do. It makes me want to scream sometimes. I need to make if stop, but I don't know how.
