Obsession

Hello, hello, hello!  

Did I ever mention how much I love to read?  Yep. Nerd here. I’m reading ALL THE TIME.  The story immerses me, I get lost in the words, and the real world just disappears.  Seriously! You could sit next to me, and talk to me for 10 minutes without me even knowing it. Pretty impressive since normally, I have an attention span like Dory, from Finding Nemo.  I don’t just read the words, though.  It’s a sensory experience for me.  I see the colorful scenes. I feel the water, the wind, the fabrics. I feel the emotions – I have cried with a heartbroken character, my stomach drops when they receive bad news, and I have actually laughed out loud in a crowded, quiet room because something silly happened in the book. Some books I fly through, discard and then I move on.  Other books just have that certain something.

I started reading the Harry Potter books almost by accident.  I had just graduated from college, and we were temporarily living with my mom.  I was home alone with my three-year-old son, who was napping.  I had finished my most recent book and I was searching the house for something else to feed the reading monster inside of me.  I had already read all the books on my shelf, and on my mom’s shelf.  My sister was fifteen at the time, so I knew the few books she had would be a bit young for me but I was desperate.  My favorite book genre is fantasy, so when I saw Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone I thought “Why not?” 

It didn’t take long before I was totally hooked.  An orphan is raised by his neglectful, stuck-up, prejudiced family members.  Then someone comes along, tells him he has special powers and belongs to a special community, and takes him away to a new a wonderful life.  Seriously, you can’t tell me you’ve never dreamed about someone coming to tell you that there’s been a mistake and all this time there was a bigger, better, cooler life awaiting you?   He learns all about this new world and his powers, makes life-long friends and discovers that he’s famous for accidentally destroying an evil villain when he was just a baby.  Oh, and there’s magic, unicorns, goblins, elves, giants, broomsticks, dragons……. Ok, so the whole series was written for children.  Or at least the first few books were.  The first book came out in 1998.  Let’s assume an 8-year-old read the book when it first came out.  By the time Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows came out in 2007, that kid was 17.   I believe the books grew up alongside their readers.  The story gets a little more grown-up, and a bit darker as the series goes on.  Evil plots, murder, kidnapping, dating and jealousy, love, loyalty, war and self-sacrifice.  I went to midnight releases of the books.  I was at the midnight showings of the movies.  I now own all the books and all the movies on DVD. 

My son started reading the series in second grade.  Up until then, he wasn’t really into reading.  We would prefer to sit in his room building lego things, or climbing trees outside (I’m certainly NOT saying either of those pastimes are BAD! Don’t think that. It was great!) I credit the Harry Potter series with springboarding my son’s reading.  Over the years, he and I have had long discussions about various aspects of the story.  We’ve talked about dragons and house elves.  We’ve discussed how awesome the Hogwarts teachers are, which one is our favorite and why.  We’ve looked up recipes for food dishes mentioned in the books, and tried to make some (remind me to tell you about Butterbeer! Yum!).  He’s now 18 and we STILL have in-depth conversations about things like which animal our wand core might come from, and whether certain woods are more magical than others.  We quote the books and movies in our everyday conversations – a fact that irks my husband to no end.  My daughter, who is 12,  has recently joined our ranks.  She read the first book last summer.  I’m pretty sure it was the first book she ever actually finished.  She finished the last one in February and has since read the Hunger Games trilogy, the Chronicles of Narnia series and 2 other series I can’t remember the names of.  Another avid reader, credited to Harry Potter. 

Ok, so why did I just spend an entire blog rambling on and on about my family’s Harry Potter obsession?  It was really a LONG introduction to my next post.  Recently we decided to completely immerse ourselves in the stories we love, and visit The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando, Florida……and it was AWESOME!   And I want to share it with you!  Stay tuned!  I’ll have the whole scoop, with pictures, in my next blog update!!  For now, I’ll leave you with this link:

25 Life Lessons I Learned from Harry Potter

Creamy Chicken

I have a recipe that my mom gave me that I'd like to share with you. It's for a super creamy rice and chicken casserole. Comfort food at its finest, and it's super easy too! 

Monterey Tortilla Chicken Casserole
1 cup shredded Monterey chicken
1 cup cottage cheese
3 cups cooked chicken, diced
1 cup sour cream
3 cups cooked rice
3 oz cream cheese
1 TSP garlic powder
Tortilla chips

In a large bowl, mix together all ingredients, except for the tortilla chips. Spread evenly into a 9x13 pan. Crush some Tortilla chips and sprinkle them on top (I like mine extra crunchy so I make this layer about half an inch thick). Bake at 350° for about 30 minutes.

Mmmmm, everything gets all gooey and melty. Well, except for the tortilla chips of course. Ha ha! Scoop some into a couple bowls (or just one if you decide not to share this deliciousness), grab a spoon and dig in!

Plow drivers: heroes or villains?

I have mixed feelings about these guys. On one hand, they're kind of heroes. They go out in the wee hours while most of us are sleeping. They work in terrible weather, the kind that makes most of us just want to cuddle under a blanket and stay exactly where we are.....INDOORS. They clear the roads and make it safer for everyone to travel.

On the other hand, I have had a couple too-close-for-comfort encounters that lead me to beleive they don't give a flying flip about anyone on the roads with them.
Example 1: a couple weeks ago, I came to a stop sign. A plow also came up to a stop sign, at the same intersection, across from me. So he was facing me. He apparently needed to go back the way he had come from. So he made a right turn onto the cross road, then backed up towards me!  I had to quickly put my car into reverse and back away, otherwise he would have backed right over me!!
Example 2: this happened about 2 years ago on my way to work. Again, I come to an intersection. This time there's a traffic light (blinking yellow, as it was early). I needed to turn left, so I signaled and got into the left turn lane. I saw the plow coming toward me, so I waited for him to pass before turning. I noticed he was in his left turn lane, so naturally I assumed he was turning. But he didnt. He kept coming straight toward me. I realized he was not stopping and I tried to get out of the way. The roads were slick so my tires spun, but I managed to scoot a lane to the right JUST in time.
Has anyone else had a close encounter with a county road plow?

The Next Step

Hello all! Happy new year!
Early last year, I wrote about a crazy feeling I had - like I needed to prepare so my family could survive some unseen disaster. Thankfully, no such disaster has hit us.....yet. But the feeling hasn't gone away. I feel a  it better about though, since I have spent the last year doing something about it. Not a lot, mind you. I have a right budget and have to do things in small steps. After writing that blog last year, I went out, bought some lumber, and built myself some pantry shelves in an unused space in my bathroom. Since then, I have been buying an extra box of this, an extra can of this.... Yesterday, I looked at the shelves and thought "if we had to, we could live for a week or so off the food on our pantry" and it was a proud moment.  Today, I decided to move onto the next step. What's the next step? I wasn't sure. The furnace kicked on in reply.  If the power went out in the middle of the winter, how would we stay warm? Our furnace is propane, but the fan that circulates the warm air, yeah, it runs on electricity. So this is my next mission. Figure out how to keep 4 people, 3 cats and a dog warm.....for a week.

Guilt Trip

I feel guilty because I work. I'm at work more than I'm at home with the kids. Sometimes the kids are home alone because I'm working and the hubby is somewhere doing something.  But I feel guilty when I have to say no to something the kids want because I don't have enough money. Gotta work. I feel guilty because I'm a manager at a retail store, instead of an engineer, because I spent 5 years studying to be an engineer, and we'd have much more money if I was. I feel guilty because I'm a night owl and hubby isn't. So when he goes to bed, I'm not tired yet, so I stay up and watch TV or read or sew or write or play games on my phone.  When I have several opening shifts in a row, and I get tired early (because I'm not a morning person and getting up THAT early makes me exhausted), I feel guilty for going to bed when hubby stays up to finish a movie.  I feel guilty when I don't go for a run, because I know I should, because I need to exercise and take care of me. BUT when I go running, I feel guilty because I should be home doing stuff and spending time with the family. I feel guilty because my house isn't Mrs Cleaver clean. I feel guilty every time I look at my craft table because it's buried in half-done projects. Some of them for the kids, but they're too old for them now.

I am wracked with guilt day in, day out, no matter what I do or don't do. It makes me want to scream sometimes. I need to make if stop, but I don't know how.

Plaster on a Smile

Depression has a way of sneaking up on you and taking over all your thoughts.  It can take a perfectly normal thought, or a conversation or argument, or a casual comment and use it to turn you against yourself. And suddenly, every evil thought you've had about yourself, every rude comment from strangers, every insult, every unintentionally hurtful thing said to you...escapes from behind the wall you built up.  The wall that was supposed to hold all those thoughts and voices, and keep them hidden....from the world, from yourself.  And when that dam breaks, so does the one holding back the tears.  And you end up sitting on the floor, hugging your knees, crying uncontrollably, while thoughts like "you're fat and lazy" and "if only you were prettier, thinner, happier, better with money, smarter......." and "how could anyone possibly love you?" and "you do more damage than good" and "your family would be better off without you" play through your head, on repeat. 

Sometimes I do think my hubby and kids would be better off without me.  I've never considered suicide. But I fantasize about running away. Finding a place where I've never been and no one knows me,  dropping all contact with anyone who knows me now and finding a little corner of that place where I can live the rest of my life without screwing with anyone else's life.  Hubby could find someone prettier and thinner and fitter who loves to do the same things he loves to do, who loves to cook & clean and is awesome at budgeting & paying bills.  I would no longer be a bad role model for the kids. 

But they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't see things the way I see them.  All they would see is me running away. They would think I abandoned them, that I don't love them enough to stay.  The kids would grow up resenting me for leaving. 

So, I will dry my tears.  I will work at building that wall again, try to make it stronger than before. I'll stuff all the bad thoughts and evil voices behind it again. I'll plaster on a smile, and pretend that everything is ok.  And maybe, for a while, it will be.  But, I wonder..........how long it will last this time?

New writing exercise, and continuation of "A Mystery Unfolds"

Another random first line, to get the next section of the story moving along.  If you haven't read the first part yet, you can click here.  Today's random first line is "As she stopped to catch her breath, she looked back".  Hope you like it!


As she stopped to catch her breath, she looked back.  It was a habit she'd acquired during college.  Be on the lookout.  Keep yourself safe.  God knows there were enough creeps on campus to warrant her vigilance.  When she moved to L.A., it wasn't just a safety precaution.  It became a matter of life or death. Her first apartment wasn't in the nicest part of town, but it was cheap, and had a good solid lock on the door.  Constantly looking over her shoulder wasn't really necessary here in Clearbeach, but old habits die hard.  The crime rate in her hometown was practically non-existent.  The people saw each other more as family than neighbors.  Some had lived here their entire life and would no doubt be buried here.  When Kat left for college, her intentions were to get as far away as possible, and stay away.  She packed as many bags and boxes as she could fit into the back seat of her green VW beetle, kissed her mom and sister goodbye, put her foot to the gas pedal and never looked back. It wasn't that she didn't like the town, or the residents.  She loved taking her sister to the corner ice cream shop, being within walking distance of all her friends' houses and the beach, and she even enjoyed going to the town's summer barbecue that took place in the park every single summer.  But she always felt like she was missing out on something.  She knew there had to be more.  More what, she didn't know.  Just more.

Leaving her sister had been the hardest thing she had ever done.  But Jessi, even at 14, was small-town through and through.  She wasn't just content in Clearbeach, she was downright happy.  She knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life.....although, in Kat's opinion, Jess' simple and romantic ideas were unrealistic: marry her high school sweetheart, have a couple kids, teach elementary school until her kids made her a grandma, then retire and live happily ever after.   Kat chuckled at the memory.  Jessi didn't even have a high school sweetheart - hell, she wasn't even in high school yet - when Kat left town, and she was already planning her entire life with the poor guy.  When Jessi wrote to tell her about Cody, she almost felt sorry for him.  He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he asked Jessi for that first date. Over the next few years, Kat lost track of how many times she rolled her eyes when reading her sister's letters, full of mushy lovey-dovey this and that about Cory.

A year after Jessi's graduation, out of the blue, she called Kat, in tears.  She was crying so hard, Kat couldn't understand her blubbering.  Finally Cody took the phone and broke the news: Mom had died.  All the cigarettes she'd smoked throughout her life finally took their toll.  Kat hadn't even known she was sick.  She was immediately angry with her mother for not following through on all her promises to quit, but she grudgingly made the trip back to Clearbeach for the funeral.  It was then, over the course of the weekend, that she realized Cody was all Jessi had said he was.  He was the rock she needed to lean on.  He held her when she cried, he tucked her into bed when he realized she had had enough of the mourning visitors.  He even made her eat something though she had turned down others' offers to bring her something all day.  He took care of her without being pushy and without complaint.  He knew what she needed without her voicing it.  After the funeral, when Kat left for her home in L.A. she didn't feel bad for leaving her sister behind.  She knew she was leaving Jess in good hands.  She knew she was going to get her happily ever after.

The next time she spoke to Cody was when he called two weeks ago.  This time, it was he who was crying, he who was blubbering.  It took a good ten minutes for her to pry coherent words from him.
"Oh my god, Kat.......It's Jessi.......they just found her............she's dead."