I did it! 8 minutes! Today was week 5, day 2 of the couch-to-5k program that I have been doing. I was a little intimidated. Monday, I jogged for 5 minutes, and felt like I was dying. Today I had to jog 8 minutes........twice. How was I going to do 8 minutes?!?! One step at a time, I decided. I pressed play on my mp3 player, and when the music signaled to start jogging, I did. Slow and steady. "You can do this!" I kept repeating to myself. "Just think how great it will feel when you can say you've jogged 8 minutes straight!" - "Just keep going until the music stops" - and I did. I kept going. I made it to 8 minutes without dying........than when prompted by the musical signal, I did it again. I realized toward the end of the second stint what was going through my head as I jogged. It wasn't "this is hard" or "I'm going to die if I don't stop RIGHT NOW" or "ugh, how much longer?". Nope. I was mentally going through my schedule and trying to figure out when/where I'm going to do my third jog of the week. LOL! I don't think I have ever planned another jog WHILE jogging. I got a little chuckle out of that.
Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the when or where yet. Normally, my third jog would be on Friday. But because of the holiday, the track is closed all weekend. Plus, after working my 2 jobs I only have 7 hours left to myself, and I have to use most of that time for sleeping. Hmmm, jog #3 may have to wait until Sunday.
Again, I am intimidate by the upcoming jog. The plan says 20 minutes of jogging. Yikes. That's a huge jump from 8 minutes. But, just like today, I will take it one step and a time, and talk myself through it. And if I have to walk some of it, oh well. So I walk some of it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
When it rains, it pours
I have my fingers crossed. But for now, I have gone through my fridge and totally cleaned it out. Everything that MUST be refrigerated (dairy products, mostly) are either packed in a cooler with ice, or sitting on our front porch (it decided to be winter today, which works in our favor). Anything that said "refrigerate after opening for best quality", is now in the cupboard or on the counter (things like A1 sauce, parmesan cheese, bread, etc) . We will be enjoying less-than-best-quality for a little while. Anything that could possibly be frozen is in our chest freezer, along with extra ice (milk that didn't fit in the cooler, tortillas, etc). I also filled some pop bottles with water and put them in the freezer so, in case we need to use this cooler method for a while, we don't have to keep buying bags of ice. That could get expensive. I was actually a little grossed out and disgusted with some of the contents of our fridge. Old leftovers, almost empty sauce bottles, even a jar of applesauce that got shoved to the back of the bottom shelf, who knows how long ago, and has since become a lovely, green, fuzzy science experiment (ew!). All of this simply went into the trash. I then unplugged the now-dead fridge. Without its constant hum, the house was eerily quiet. So much so that I had to turn the radio on.
I have no plan for replacing the fridge. It will happen when we can make it happen. For now, I am just going to continue on with my plan for catching up on the bills we fell behind on. My plan went into action today, since today was the first day of my new job. No I didn't replace my old job. I am still working that one, 39 hours a week. I get my health benefits and 401k at that job, and I love (most of) the people I work with. I don't plan on leaving it any time soon. This new job is an overnight gig, a few nights a week. I know, I know. "How can you do that?"......"You're going to overwork yourself." Yep that's probably true, but I will make it work for however long I need it to. They are aware that I may be working with them for just a couple months.......or longer, and they are ok with that. You gotta do what you gotta do. Today was just orientation, which lasted all of 30 minutes. Tomorrow I begin my official training. Once I am trained, they will put me on the night schedule. Part of me can't wait for things to get moving, so I can get that first paycheck and start paying off late bills. Part of me is nervous about how I'm going to make this all work. But I WILL make it work. I have to.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Swan Attack
The dream that woke me up this morning:
Hubby and I were in the living room. The kids were already at school. He was getting ready for work. Suddenly we saw headlights coming up our driveway. It was dark out and the headlights were really bright, so we couldn't see the vehicle until it got close enough to the house for the porch light to reach it. It was an ambulance! Of course we were like WTH? The paramedics got out and went around to the back, opened the doors, and pulled out a gurney holding a kid sized pile of bandages, gauze and sheets. I knew right away that it was my daughter and I ran out there in tears asking "What happened? What happened?" There were blood stains all over the sheets which, of course, made me think the worst, until she opened her eyes. The paramedics told me that she had been attacked by a swan. A swan!?! Huh?!? Apparently she was at a park with her class, having a class picnic. She and a few friends wandered away from the group to play. Well, it was a park, so that's ok. Except they got too close to a swan nest and the swan attacked. My daughter was taken to the hospital and brought home with 100 stitches down her back and leg.
Scary. But a few things to point out about this dream:
1. Swan attacks do happen. I knew that. I have seen it happen. I did a little (very little) quick research before finishing this blog. It seems like most deaths from swan attacks are drownings. People are in the water, and trying to fight off the swan at the same time, and end up drowning. Apparently they can hit you hard enough with their beak or "elbow" to break bones. I didn't find anything where bloody gashes were involved. That doesn't erase the horror of seeing your child on a gurney with bloody sheets though.
2. It was dark and the headlights were bright. Why was the class at a park having a picnic when it was so early in the morning and still dark?
3. Why were we not notified when the attack happened? And why was the ambulance delivering her home?
Hubby and I were in the living room. The kids were already at school. He was getting ready for work. Suddenly we saw headlights coming up our driveway. It was dark out and the headlights were really bright, so we couldn't see the vehicle until it got close enough to the house for the porch light to reach it. It was an ambulance! Of course we were like WTH? The paramedics got out and went around to the back, opened the doors, and pulled out a gurney holding a kid sized pile of bandages, gauze and sheets. I knew right away that it was my daughter and I ran out there in tears asking "What happened? What happened?" There were blood stains all over the sheets which, of course, made me think the worst, until she opened her eyes. The paramedics told me that she had been attacked by a swan. A swan!?! Huh?!? Apparently she was at a park with her class, having a class picnic. She and a few friends wandered away from the group to play. Well, it was a park, so that's ok. Except they got too close to a swan nest and the swan attacked. My daughter was taken to the hospital and brought home with 100 stitches down her back and leg.
Scary. But a few things to point out about this dream:
1. Swan attacks do happen. I knew that. I have seen it happen. I did a little (very little) quick research before finishing this blog. It seems like most deaths from swan attacks are drownings. People are in the water, and trying to fight off the swan at the same time, and end up drowning. Apparently they can hit you hard enough with their beak or "elbow" to break bones. I didn't find anything where bloody gashes were involved. That doesn't erase the horror of seeing your child on a gurney with bloody sheets though.
2. It was dark and the headlights were bright. Why was the class at a park having a picnic when it was so early in the morning and still dark?
3. Why were we not notified when the attack happened? And why was the ambulance delivering her home?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Raving Lunatic
Sometimes, the things I post on here make perfect sense. I don't think this is going to be one of them. In fact, those of you who actually know me, may start to think I am losing my mind, or that I'm becoming a raving lunatic. Sometimes I think so too.
Fairly recently, hubby and I have been through some tough times, financially. Who hasn't, right? Well, about a year and a half ago, my car was repossessed. I tell you what, that was one of the most emotional things I have been through. I had known weren't doing good. Cripes, we were on the verge of filing bankruptcy. But somehow, I had kept myself in denial until that day. Strangers in a big truck came up my driveway and hooked up my beloved Jeep. I freaked out. I asked to see the required paperwork, which of course they had. They gave me time to clean out my personal belongings. I wholeheartedly believed that I would be getting my Jeep back, so I didn't do a GREAT job cleaning it out. Then they drove my Jeep out of my life. I never did get it back. There were a few things of minor importance I had left in my car and therefore lost. But the biggest thing I lost was piece of mind. The idea that someone could come to my house and LEGALLY take what is mine shook me to the core.
Fast forward to this year. We got our feet back under us (mostly). We both had working vehicles and paying jobs. We were providing a roof over our kids' heads and food on their plates. Everything was find and dandy. Until one, then the other, vehicle broke down. Suddenly we realized our feet weren't quite under us after all. I mean, if they had been, then we would have had money in a savings account for just such an "emergency". But we didn't. We had to use money that would have otherwise paid bills. So we fell behind, again. Once you fall behind, it's nearly impossible to catch up. It's a slippery slope that no one wants to be on. You start by not paying billA because you hag to fix the car. Then you don't pay billB because you have to pay billA, which is now late.
Fairly recently, hubby and I have been through some tough times, financially. Who hasn't, right? Well, about a year and a half ago, my car was repossessed. I tell you what, that was one of the most emotional things I have been through. I had known weren't doing good. Cripes, we were on the verge of filing bankruptcy. But somehow, I had kept myself in denial until that day. Strangers in a big truck came up my driveway and hooked up my beloved Jeep. I freaked out. I asked to see the required paperwork, which of course they had. They gave me time to clean out my personal belongings. I wholeheartedly believed that I would be getting my Jeep back, so I didn't do a GREAT job cleaning it out. Then they drove my Jeep out of my life. I never did get it back. There were a few things of minor importance I had left in my car and therefore lost. But the biggest thing I lost was piece of mind. The idea that someone could come to my house and LEGALLY take what is mine shook me to the core.
Fast forward to this year. We got our feet back under us (mostly). We both had working vehicles and paying jobs. We were providing a roof over our kids' heads and food on their plates. Everything was find and dandy. Until one, then the other, vehicle broke down. Suddenly we realized our feet weren't quite under us after all. I mean, if they had been, then we would have had money in a savings account for just such an "emergency". But we didn't. We had to use money that would have otherwise paid bills. So we fell behind, again. Once you fall behind, it's nearly impossible to catch up. It's a slippery slope that no one wants to be on. You start by not paying billA because you hag to fix the car. Then you don't pay billB because you have to pay billA, which is now late.
Before you know it, you're a little behind.........on everything. Anxiety kicks in. If this is the first time getting behind for you, then you experience a little anxiety, but you still have the "everything will be ok, I'll figure it out" frame of mind. But me? Not my first time. Nope, as I just explained, I have been there, done that, and sure as heck did NOT want to do it again. My anxiety is not small or a quiet nagging in the back of my mind. It's full-blown, OH MY GOD, end-of-the-world kind of anxiety. Our homes should be our sanctuary, our safe place, but for me, it's not anymore. When I am at home, every noise I hear makes me jump. Every vehicle coming down the road is someone coming to take my car away. The worry is not just in my head, I can feel it in my body. I'm sure my blood pressure would freak out my doctor. My hands shake, my heart races, my chest feels tight, my breathing becomes shallow, rational thought goes out the window and my fight or flight instinct kicks in. Flight always wins. I hurriedly get dressed, run a brush through my hair, pack up a few things (I don't mean packing like a suitcase or anything. Just my computer and camera - stuff I keep myself busy with), apologize to the dog for leaving her home alone (again), get in my car and drive away. I start feeling better, the farther from my house I get. My irrational logic tells me that if I just get away from the house, somewhere they won't find my car, then everything will be ok. I should probably note here that, although we are behind, we aren't SO behind that any of the worst-case-scenarios running through my head would actually be happening. The rational me knows this, but "irrational me", the one controlling the anxiety and oh-my-god thoughts, won't listen. Eeek, now I'm talking about myself like I have multiple personalities. Someone better make up a bed for me at the nut house.
My favorite place to go, when I am feeling stressed like that, is to the water. It's almost like a pull I feel. I'll park my car down by the waterfront and watch the waves crash over the breakwall. It centers me. I feel a connection to water that I'm not sure I can explain. Just watching the ebb and flow, the constant movement of the water, soothes me. In the summer, I'll swim out deep and just float, letting the waves lift and drop me. It's quite typical for me to still be out swimming, when the rest of the family has had enough and are ready to go home. Ok, even to me that all sounds a little........out there. I better stop babbling before the people in white coats come to get me. Of course, they would just put me in a nice jacket that makes me hug myself, and who couldn't use more hugs? LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)