8 Minutes Strong

I did it!  8 minutes!  Today was week 5, day 2 of the couch-to-5k program that I have been doing.  I was a little intimidated. Monday, I jogged for 5 minutes, and felt like I was dying.  Today I had to jog 8 minutes........twice.  How was I going to do 8 minutes?!?!  One step at a time, I decided.  I pressed play on my mp3 player, and when the music signaled to start jogging, I did.  Slow and steady.  "You can do this!" I kept repeating to myself.  "Just think how great it will feel when you can say you've jogged 8 minutes straight!"  - "Just keep going until the music stops" - and I did.  I kept going.  I made it to 8 minutes without dying........than when prompted by the musical signal, I did it again.  I realized toward the end of the second stint what was going through my head as I jogged.  It wasn't "this is hard" or "I'm going to die if I don't stop RIGHT NOW" or "ugh, how much longer?".  Nope.  I was mentally going through my schedule and trying to figure out when/where I'm going to do my third jog of the week.  LOL!  I don't think I have ever planned another jog WHILE jogging.  I got a little chuckle out of that.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the when or where yet.  Normally, my third jog would be on Friday.  But because of the holiday, the track is closed all weekend.  Plus, after working my 2 jobs I only have 7 hours left to myself, and I have to use most of that time for sleeping.  Hmmm, jog #3 may have to wait until Sunday.

Again, I am intimidate by the upcoming jog.  The plan says 20 minutes of jogging.  Yikes.  That's a huge jump from 8 minutes.  But, just like today, I will take it one step and a time, and talk myself through it.  And if I have to walk some of it, oh well.  So I walk some of it.

When it rains, it pours

Good grief.  Like I really need more crap to deal with.  Seriously?!?!  I don't want this blog to become a woe-is-me, my life sucks, whiny blog.  There's enough of that in the world already.  Please just let me vent one last time.  In addition to all the crap I talked about in my previous blog, yesterday our fridge died.  Just out of the blue.  Yes, I know it's old.  Yes, it needed replacing anyway because I'm sure it was using a TON of electricity.  But NOW?!?  It had to die NOW?!  If you read my previous blog, then you know as well as I do that we have no way to get a new fridge just now.  Needless to say, I hardly got any sleep last night.  Hubby and I both posted a pleas for help on Facebook  and one of our friends has offered us the use of a fridge they have in their garage.....they THINK it still works.  (inserts nervous, maniacal giggle here).

I have my fingers crossed.  But for now, I have gone through my fridge and totally cleaned it out.  Everything that MUST be refrigerated (dairy products, mostly) are either packed in a cooler with ice, or sitting on our front porch (it decided to be winter today, which works in our favor).  Anything that said "refrigerate after opening for best quality", is now in the cupboard or on the counter (things like A1 sauce, parmesan cheese, bread, etc) .  We will be enjoying less-than-best-quality for a little while.  Anything that could possibly be frozen is in our chest freezer, along with extra ice (milk that didn't fit in the cooler, tortillas, etc).  I also filled some pop bottles with water and put them in the freezer so, in case we need to use this cooler method for a while, we don't have to keep buying bags of ice.  That could get expensive.  I was actually a little grossed out and disgusted with some of the contents of our fridge.  Old leftovers, almost empty sauce bottles, even a jar of applesauce that got shoved to the back of the bottom shelf, who knows how long ago, and has since become a lovely, green, fuzzy science experiment (ew!).  All of this simply went into the trash. I then unplugged the now-dead fridge.  Without its constant hum, the house was eerily quiet.  So much so that I had to turn the radio on.

I have no plan for replacing the fridge.  It will happen when we can make it happen.  For now, I am just going to continue on with my plan for catching up on the bills we fell behind on.  My plan went into action today, since today was the first day of my new job.  No I didn't replace my old job.  I am still working that one, 39 hours a week.  I get my health benefits and 401k at that job, and I love (most of) the people I work with.  I don't plan on leaving it any time soon.  This new job is an overnight gig, a few nights a week.  I know, I know.  "How can you do that?"......"You're going to overwork yourself."  Yep that's probably true, but I will make it work for however long I need it to.  They are aware that I may be working with them for just a couple months.......or longer, and they are ok with that.  You gotta do what you gotta do.  Today was just orientation, which lasted all of 30 minutes.  Tomorrow I begin my official training.  Once I am trained, they will put me on the night schedule.  Part of me can't wait for things to get moving, so I can get that first paycheck and start paying off late bills.  Part of me is nervous about how I'm going to make this all work.  But I WILL make it work.  I have to.

Swan Attack

The dream that woke me up this morning:

Hubby and I were in the living room.  The kids were already at school.  He was getting ready for work.  Suddenly we saw headlights coming up our driveway.  It was dark out and the headlights were really bright, so we couldn't see the vehicle until it got close enough to the house for the porch light to reach it.  It was an ambulance!  Of course we were like WTH?  The paramedics got out and went around to the back, opened the doors, and pulled out a gurney holding a kid sized pile of bandages, gauze and sheets.  I knew right away that it was my daughter and I ran out there in tears asking "What happened?  What happened?"  There were blood stains all over the sheets which, of course, made me think the worst, until she opened her eyes.  The paramedics told me that she had been attacked by a swan.  A swan!?!  Huh?!?  Apparently she was at a park with her class, having a class picnic.  She and a few friends wandered away from the group to play.  Well, it was a park, so that's ok.  Except they got too close to a swan nest and the swan attacked. My daughter was taken to the hospital and brought home with 100 stitches down her back and leg.

Scary.  But a few things to point out about this dream:
1.  Swan attacks do happen.  I knew that.  I have seen it happen.  I did a little (very little) quick research before finishing this blog.  It seems like most deaths from swan attacks are drownings.  People are in the water, and trying to fight off the swan at the same time, and end up drowning.  Apparently they can hit you hard enough with their beak or "elbow" to break bones. I didn't find anything where bloody gashes were involved. That doesn't erase the horror of seeing your child on a gurney with bloody sheets though.
2.  It was dark and the headlights were bright.  Why was the class at a park having a picnic when it was so early in the morning and still dark?
3.  Why were we not notified when the attack happened?  And why was the ambulance delivering her home?

Raving Lunatic

Sometimes, the things I post on here make perfect sense.  I don't think this is going to be one of them.  In fact, those of you who actually know me, may start to think I am losing my mind, or that I'm becoming a raving lunatic.  Sometimes I think so too.

Fairly recently, hubby and I have been through some tough times, financially.  Who hasn't, right?  Well, about a year and a half ago, my car was repossessed.  I tell you what, that was one of the most emotional things I have been through.  I had known weren't doing good.  Cripes, we were on the verge of filing bankruptcy.  But somehow, I had kept myself in denial until that day.  Strangers in a big truck came up my driveway and hooked up my beloved Jeep.  I freaked out.  I asked to see the required paperwork, which of course they had.  They gave me time to clean out my personal belongings.  I wholeheartedly believed that I would be getting my Jeep back, so I didn't do a GREAT job cleaning it out.  Then they drove my Jeep out of my life.  I never did get it back.  There were a few things of minor importance I had left in my car and therefore lost.  But the biggest thing I lost was piece of mind.  The idea that someone could come to my house and LEGALLY take what is mine shook me to the core.

Fast forward to this year.  We got our feet back under us (mostly).  We both had working vehicles and paying jobs.  We were providing a roof over our kids' heads and food on their plates.  Everything was find and dandy.  Until one, then the other, vehicle broke down.  Suddenly we realized our feet weren't quite under us after all.  I mean, if they had been, then we would have had money in a savings account for just such an "emergency".  But we didn't.  We had to use money that would have otherwise paid bills.  So we fell behind, again.  Once you fall behind, it's nearly impossible to catch up. It's a slippery slope that no one wants to be on.  You start by not paying billA because you hag to fix the car.  Then you don't pay billB because you have to pay billA, which is now late.

Before you know it, you're a little behind.........on everything.  Anxiety kicks in.  If this is the first time getting behind for you, then you experience a little anxiety, but you still have the "everything will be ok, I'll figure it out" frame of mind.  But me?  Not my first time.  Nope, as I just explained, I have been there, done that, and sure as heck did NOT want to do it again.  My anxiety is not small or a quiet nagging in the back of my mind.  It's full-blown, OH MY GOD, end-of-the-world kind of anxiety.  Our homes should be our sanctuary, our safe place, but for me, it's not anymore.  When I am at home, every noise I hear makes me jump.  Every vehicle coming down the road is someone coming to take my car away.  The worry is not just in my head, I can feel it in my body.  I'm sure my blood pressure would freak out my doctor.  My hands shake, my heart races, my chest feels tight, my breathing becomes shallow, rational thought goes out the window and my fight or flight instinct kicks in.  Flight always wins.  I hurriedly get dressed, run a brush through my hair, pack up a few things (I don't mean packing like a suitcase or anything.  Just my computer and camera - stuff I keep myself busy with), apologize to the dog for leaving her home alone (again), get in my car and drive away.  I start feeling better, the farther from my house I get.  My irrational logic tells me that if I just get away from the house, somewhere they won't find my car, then everything will be ok.  I should probably note here that, although we are behind, we aren't SO behind that any of the worst-case-scenarios running through my head would actually be happening.  The rational me knows this, but "irrational me", the one controlling the anxiety and oh-my-god thoughts, won't listen.  Eeek, now I'm talking about myself like I have multiple personalities.  Someone better make up a bed for me at the nut house.

My favorite place to go, when I am feeling stressed like that, is to the water.  It's almost like a pull I feel.  I'll park my car down by the waterfront and watch the waves crash over the breakwall.   It centers me.  I feel a connection to water that I'm not sure I can explain.  Just watching the ebb and flow, the constant movement of the water, soothes me.  In the summer, I'll swim out deep and just float, letting the waves lift and drop me.  It's quite typical for me to still be out swimming, when the rest of the family has had enough and are ready to go home.  Ok, even to me that all sounds a little........out there.  I better stop babbling before the people in white coats come to get me.  Of course, they would just put me in a nice jacket that makes me hug myself, and who couldn't use more hugs?  LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!

Surprise!

Hello snow.  I suppose I should have expected to see you today.  They said that you'd be here.  I'd be lying if I said I was happy so see you.  I haven't missed you since the last time we met, and I will not ask you to stay.  I know someday, and soon, I must reconcile myself to having you in my life, but that day is not today.

Tippity Tap

Tiny leaves, blown gently by the wind across a parking lot, make a tippity - tap sound that reminds me of someone typing on a keyboard.

Home Alone

I have a confession to make.  Another quirk in my personality.  Remember my very first blog?  i told you there was craziness, and to hold on for the ride.  Well, here's another bite of my crazy:  I suffer anxiety when I am home alone.  I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I have never lived on my own.  I'm 34 and have always had someone nearby.  My family in high school.  In college, even though I didn't have a roommate, there were tons of people always coming and going in the dorm.  If I had a major issue, I only had to walk a few doors down to find a guy friend willing to help out.  Then Carl and I moved in together and got married.   So I have never lived alone, and when my husband and kids go away for a night, or a weekend, it's a torturous experience for me.

My anxiety typically comes in the form of hearing noises, and imagining people outside the house.  Not nice people either.  No, the non-existent faces looking through the windows are axe-murderers.  I sometimes end up frantically crying as I worry about how my kids would grow up if something happened to me.  Lately some of my anxiety has been financial paranoia.  Last year, we had some financial problems and my car was repossessed.  So now when I hear noises, my brain says it's happening again.  The rational side of me argues that I'm not behind on payments AND they would send me late notices before that happened, but the panic is still there.  I don't know how long THAT will last.

When I am home alone, and experience anxiety, I go through a routine.  I make sure all my doors and windows are closed and locked.  I turn the radio or TV on.  I cover my bedroom window with a blanket.  I stay up late so that I am tired, and have a couple drinks to encourage the sleepiness.  I lock my bedroom doors.  I sleep with my dog beside my bed and my reading light on.  I sleep with headphones in my ears, my iPod playing a recording of a rainstorm or beach waves.

All of this helps me to sleep at night, but I wish the anxiety would just go away.  I don't tell many people because it's embarrassing.  I feel like a little kids afraid of the dark. They don't understand.  I can't expect anyone to understand what I don't understand myself.  Where does this anxiety come from? I don't remember ever actually experiencing a break-in or robbery.  Maybe when I was little......but I don't remember my parents ever talking about anything like that.   Maybe they're just crazy, unfounded creations of my over-active imagination.  Do you have any crazy fears or anxieties?  I'm off to hang the blanket on the window, wish me luck,

ADD? Me? Nah.

This morning, on my way out of the house, I grabbed my wallet, but realized that I had left my phone in the bedroom.  So I walked to the bedroom, and immediately forgot why I was in there.  Knowing that it was supposed to be chilly, I decided to find a sweater while I was in there.  So I put my wallet down on the bed and started searching the closet.  I tried on one sweater after another, rejecting each one until I realized it was the shirt that I didn't like, not the sweaters.  So I took the shirt off and threw it into my "give away" pile.  Back to the closet to pick out a new shirt.  Then a sweater.  A look in the mirror told me I had a good combination.  But now that my clothes looked nice, my "good enough" hair needed some help.  10 minutes later, I exited the bathroom with a cute outfit and done-up hair.  When I got back to the living room, on my way out the door (again), I remembered why I had gone into the bedroom: to get my phone.  So I went back into the bedroom and grabbed my phone off the bedside stand, and discovered my wallet, which I had put on the bed.  I finally left the house, shaking my head at myself.  I am one of those people who really WOULD lose my head of it wasn't attached.  thank goodness it is.

Straw or tube?

Today, I went on my first jog since being put on asthma medication.  Mind you, my jogs consist of 75% walking, and my jogging speed is probably slower than your fast walking speed.  However, with the asthma medication in me, all I can say is wow!  Before, when I exercised, I would huff and puff, I ended up wheezing and coughing, and it felt like I was breathing through a straw:

This time, I was still huffing and puffing (that comes from being out of shape) but my airways were much more open.  More like breathing through a paper towel tube:

I don't like being dependent on medicine, however.........YOU try breathing through a straw and a paper towel tube and see which you prefer.

So much history in one lifetime

My grand mother was born in 1913.  Next Tuesday, she will be celebrating her 99th birthday.  I think back to all the things I learned about in history class - modern U.S. history.  She has lived through so much of it.  So in honor of her birthday, I have complied a timeline (thanks in part to Wikipedia) of historical events that have happened during her lifetime.

• 1913:  Woodrow Wilson becomes President, the 16th amendment establishes a federal income tax, Henry Ford establishes the assembly line
• 1914 (age 1):  Mother's Day is established as a national holiday
• 1917 (age 4): the U.S. enters into WWI
• 1919 (age 6): the 18th amendment establishes Prohibition
• 1920 (age 7): women gain the right to vote, first radio broadcasts are heard in Pittsburgh and Detroit
• 1921 (age 8): Warren G Harding becomes President
• 1923 (age 10): Calvin Coolidge becomes President
• 1926 (age 13): NBC is founded
• 1927 (age 14): Charles Lindburgh makes the first trans-Atlantic flight, The Jazz Singer is the first "talkie" (motion picture with sound) released
• 1928 (age 15): Steamboat Willie opens and Mickey Mouse is born, Amelia Earhart is the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic
• 1929 (age 16) Herbert Hoover becomes President, the Wall Street Crash begins the Great Depression
• 1930 (age 17): vegetables become the first frozen food sold
• 1931 (age 18): the Empire State Building opens
• 1932 (age 19): Ford introduces the Model B
• 1933 (age 20): Franklin Delano Roosevelt becomes President, the 21st amendment ends Prohibition
• 1934 (age 21): the Dust Bowl (severe drought, heat waves and giant dust clouds in the Great Plains)
• 1935 (age 22): the FBI is established, the Social Security system was established, Alcoholics Anonymous is established
• 1936 (age 23): LIFE magazine published their first issue
• 1937 (age 24): the Hindenburg explodes killing 35, the Golden Gate Bridge is completed
• 1940 (age 27): The Selective Service Act requires all males age 18 to 45 to register with the military draft board, Oldsmobile introduces the first fully automatic transmission, Bugs Bunny and Tom and Jerry are introduced
• 1941 (age 28): regular TV broadcasting begins, the U.S. enters WWII after the attack on Pearl Harbor
• 1942 (age 29): Casablanca is released
• 1943 (age 30): Oklahoma! opens on Broadway
• 1944 (age 31): the G.I. Bill provides education, mortgages and loans to returning WWII vets, D-Day (the Allied surprise invasion of Normandy)
• 1945 (age 32): the United Nations is established, Harry S Truman becomes President, an atomic bomb is dropped on Hiroshima, Germany and Japan surrender - ending WWII
• 1947 (age 34): the Polaroid camera is invented,  Meet the Press broadcasts its first episode
• 1949 (age 36): NATO is formed, Germany is divided into East and West Germany
• 1950 (age 37): Korean War begins, Peanuts is published for the first time
• 1951 (age 38): the 22nd amendment established Presidential term limits, I Love Lucy premiers on TV
• 1952 (age 39): The Today Show premiers on TV
• 1953 (age 40): Dwight D Eisenhower becomes President
• 1954 (age 41): the Tournament of Roses parade is the first event to be televised in color, Brown V Board of Education declares school segregation unconstitutional, The Tonight Show premiers with Steve Allen as host
• 1955 (age 42): Rosa Parks incites the Montgomery Bus Boycott, Disneyland opens, the polio vaccine is developed, James Dean is killed in an auto accident
• 1958 (age 45): NASA is formed
• 1959 (age 46): Alaska and Hawaii become states
• 1961 (age 48): John F Kennedy becomes President, Alan Shepard becomes the first American in space, Vietnam War begins, OPEC if formed
• 1962 (age 49): John Glenn becomes the first American to orbit the Earth, Marilyn Monroe dies 
• 1963 (age 50): Martin Luther King Jr gives his "I have a dream" speech, JFK is assassinated, Lyndon Johnson becomes President
• 1964 (age 51): the Beatles arrive in the U.S.,  the Civil Rights Act of 1964 ends segregation
• 1965 (age 52): Medicaid and Medicare are created, Malcolm X is assassinated
• 1967 (age 54): the first Super Bowl is won by the Green Bay Packers
• 1968 (age 55): Martin Luther King Jr is assassinated
• 1969 (age 56): Richard Nixon becomes President, Neil Armstrong walks on the moon, Sesame Street premiers
• 1970 (age 57): Earth Day is first observed, American Top 40 with Casey Kasem is broadcast on radio, PBS is founded
• 1973 (age 60): Roe v Wade legalizes abortion
• 1974 (age 61): Richard Nixon becomes the first person to resign the Presidency
• 1975 (age 62): Bill Gates founds Microsoft, Wheel of Fortune and Saturday Night Live premier on TV
• 1977 (age 64): Jimmy Carter becomes President, the first home computer - the Commodore PET - is released for sale, Elvis Presley dies, Atari 2600 becomes the first home video game system
• 1979 (age 66): Chrysler receives government loans to avoid bankruptcy
• 1980 (age 67): Mt St Helens erupts, John Lennon is assassinated
• 1981 (age 68): Ronald Reagan becomes President, MTV becomes the first cable network dedicated to music
• 1983 (age 70): Chrysler introduces minivans, the U.S. invades Grenada
• 1985 (age 72): Willie Nelson organizes the first Farm Aid, Nintendo is introduced
• 1986 (age 73): the Challenger explodes killing all 7 crew members, Fox Broadcasting Company is launched
• 1989 (age 76): George H Bush becomes President, The Simpsons premiers on TV, the Berlin Wall is torn down
• 1990 (age 77): Iraq invades Kuwait
• 1991 (age 78): the World Wide Web debuts, the cold war ends, USSR is dissolved
• 1992 (age 79): riots occur in Los Angeles over the beating of Rodney King, Hurricane Andrew hits Florida and surrounding areas
• 1993 (age 80): Bill Clinton becomes President, a truck bomb explodes in the basement of the World Trade Center, David Koresh leads is followers to a mass suicide in Waco, "Don't ask, don't tell" prohibits the openly gay from serving in the military
• 1995 (age 82): the Oklahoma City bombing kill 168, OJ Simpson is acquitted of murder
• 1996 (age 83): bombing at the Atlanta Olympic Games
• 1997 (age 84): human cloning research is banned
• 1999 (age 86): Columbine school shootings occur
• 2001 (age 88): George W. Bush becomes President, terrorists fly hijacked planes into the World Trade Center towers, the Pentagon and  a Pennsylvania field killing nearly 3000 people, the U.S. invades Afghanistan, the Patriot Act gives government agencies the right to conduct searches based on "suspected terrorism"
• 2002 (age 89): Dept of Homeland Security is created, a sniper kills 10 people in the DC area
• 2003 (age 90): the Columbia disintegrates when re-entering Earth's atmosphere killing all 7 of the crew, the U.S. invades Iraq with help from the UK, Australia and Poland, Saddam Hussein is captured
• 2004 (age 91): Facebook is launched
• 2005 (age 92): Hurricane Katrina hits the Gulf Coast
• 2009 (age 96): Barack Obama becomes President, Michael Jackson dies
• 2010 (age 97): an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico explodes becoming the worst oil spill in American history, "Don't ask, don't tell" is repealed
• 2011 (age 98): Osama bin Laden is killed, the U.S. shuttle program ends when Atlantis returns to earth

For those of you who aren't counting - that's 16 different Presidents!!!  This list, of course, is not complete.  So much has happened in the last 99 years, there's no way to document it ALL here on my lowly little blog.  But it is certainly something worth reflecting on.  

Home-Made Laundry Soap

I found a recipe in a magazine for making your own laundry soap.  I don't remember what magazine.  It was just sitting on the table at work.....and it was months ago.  If you happen to know what magazine this  was printed in, please let me know.  I would love to give credit where credit is due. Is "recipe" appropriate for something that's not food?  It doesn't sound right.  Oh well.  I'm trying it today.  I did the math and, though the ingredients require a minor up-front investment (approximately $25), it turned out to be cheaper per load than the laundry soap on the store shelf.  With most of the ingredients, once you buy them, you can get several batches made before having to buy more. AND!  I can make it with any scent I choose, using essential oils.  Melting the soap right now.  I'll have to let you know how it works.  Or, if you want, you can try it too!  Here's what you need (everything here is available at your local Walmart, Meijer, or Lowe's):

• 1 - 5 gallon bucket, with lid
• 1 - metal cheese grater
• 1 - bar of gentle soap (a non-lotion variety such as Dr. Bronnor's or Ivory)
• 1 cup of washing soda (NOT baking soda)
• 1 cup Borax
• 4 gallons plus 4 cups of water
• essential oil of choice (I used Lavender) - optional

Grate the entire bar of soap with the cheese grater.  Place into a stainless steel saucepan, with 4 cups of water, on the stove.  Heat, stirring regularly, until all the soap is dissolved.  Set aside.

Put 4 gallons of warm water into the gallon bucket.  Thoroughly stir in the borax and washing soda.  When those are dissolved, stir in the warm, melted soap.  At this point, add whatever essential oil, if any, that you chose.  It did not say HOW MUCH essential oil to use.  I suppose it depends on the scent you chose and how strongly you want your laundry soap to smell.  I have never worked with essential oils before, so I used 10 drops in this batch.  When I was done stirring it, it seemed a little weak, so I may use more next time.  

Place the lid tightly onto the bucket, and allow the mixture to sit overnight.  The next morning, you will find it has a thick, gelatinous consistency to it.  Use a long spoon (I will be using one of the long, thick paint sticks they make JUST for 5 gallon buckets) to break it up and stir it.  You will probably not be able to break up ALL the lumps, but that's OK.  This soap is now usable!  It can be stored, covered, for two months.  If you don't think you'll use it in that time, you can reduce the recipe.  Use 1 cup per load of laundry.  

Good luck!  Let me know how it turned out.

Take Wing

Well, we've done it! We have attracted Blue Jays and butterflies to our yard! It's fun to watch the butterflies flit here and there.  Right now I am watching what looks like a yellow monarch (Google says it's a swallowtail) and a completely black butterfly (perhaps the black swallowtail?) on the bush out front.  I'd like to think they are playing, but they are probably chasing each other away from the food source.  And there seems to be a whole flock of Blue Jays.  Do they travel in flocks?  Hmm.....back to Google.  OK, apparently they do.  Well, I guess a whole flock has claimed our yard as their home this summer.  However, I have discovered some downsides to having these creatures in my yard. No one ever tells you about the downsides!

First, the same plants that attract butterflies, also attract bees. Not just bees but BEES! BIG BEES!  Lots and lots of BIG BEES!


Second, Blue Jays are mean!  The screech at us when we walk through our yard and they scare away the other birds.  We used to see chickadees, titmouse's, finches, sparrows, nuthatches, etc all at our suet feeders.  But since the Blue Jays have moved in, the only other birds we've seen are downy woodpeckers.

Perfect

Perfection. Something we all strive for. Does anyone actually reach it? Not me. I burn out before I get there. The job remains half done. You'll notice it as you drive into my yard. There are bikes parked here and there. Children's toys and piles of wood (my husband's a carpenter and collects scraps). 2 tree forts (my kids each have their own), a basketball hoop, a fire ring, a monkey bar and my garden, which is currently over-run with weeds. Please don't pay any attention to the dishwasher on the front porch. It just died and we haven't gotten around to taking it to the dump yet. Where else are you supposed to put something like that??? Step into my living room and you'll see 2 coffee tables and 2 side tables, covered in clutter. Books, school papers, pens and pencils, nail polish, magazines. My walls don't hold expensive art, but pictures of my family and art projects the kids made at school. The carpet is stained and covered with dog hair. We have vacuumed already, trust me. Our dog just sheds THAT much. In one corner of the kitchen, instead of a dining room table, are 2 fold-up banquet tables that make up my craft and sewing area. I have a list of projects that need to be done, and so many scraps of material I don't know what to do with all of them. I could make a very colorful quilt, but that would just be another thing on my project list. In another corner is our recycle bins. We recycle religiously. Unfortunately, the recyclables usually fill up and over flow before we take them into town. The county recycling truck goes by our house every week on it's route. But we never remember to put our bins out. Next comes the laundry room. Not only do we do our laundry here but we also store things in there. Clothes that don't fit the kids, pieces of a computer we don't use, the carpet cleaner....Oh yeah and baskets of clean, folded laundry. I took care of some of this mess today. The kids and I dropped off 4 boxes of clothes, sheets, blankets, etc at Goodwill today. Wow what a difference!! The bathroom looks pretty good. There's a small pile of books and magazine, because, yes, I read in the bathroom. Seriously though, who doesn't?!?! The only "problem" with the bathroom is the corner full of my photographic equipment and props. I don't have a studio, so all my stuff gets stored here, in a large Rubbermaid container. The bedroom isn't bad either. The bed, recently, started making itself every morning. That alone makes the room look SO much better. The clothes I wore yesterday are hanging on a chair. The closet is scary. Boxes of pictures and school stuff the kids have brought home over the years. Wrapping paper. Clothes that REFUSE to stay on their hangers. Shoes. Stuffed animals from when I was little. Yep I still have stuffed animals. One of them I have had my ENTIRE LIFE. The second bathroom is full of duckies. No i don't mean there are rubber duckies are in there - physically. But the shower curtain and the wallpaper and wall art art yellow duckies. The wallpaper is peeling and needs to be taken down. Really, the whole bathroom should be redone. The kids are a little old for yellow duckies now. The kids clean their own bathroom, so most of the time it looks like a war zone. My son's room - yikes. He's 14 so there's the whole young teenager thing going on in there. Plus, he has a ferret, which adds his own.........scent. My daughter is a little pink princess. You see pink everywhere in her room. You also see everything she owns......on the floor. Poor kids have inherited my lack of organization. However, they are happy, healthy and loved. You may see an occasional visiting mouse, but our house is not over-run with rats or bugs (although it does seem to be a popular haven for spiders, but I've heard that's good luck?) It's certainly NOT perfect. FAR from it. I have done my best to make it presentable, and I am trying to improve my habits. Today, the day of the party, my anxiety is bubbling up. but I know it's not going to be perfect. So I am trying to battle the anxiety down. Later, I will have friends over who like me for me, not for my housecleaning skills. We will enjoy each other's company, and some cold beverages around a bonfire. Everything will turn out just.........perfect.

What the.......?

Ok. Per doctor's orders we have completed the 1 full month of no dairy for Madison. Our instructions were then to slowly reintroduce dairy and see what happens. So May 1 we did. She had a piece of cheese. Day 2 she had 1/2 of a yogurt. Day 3 she had a glass of milk. So far, she hasn't had any adverse reactions at all - no vomiting! I should be celebrating, I know. Yay, no milk allergy, right? But if it wasn't that then 1) what WAS it? and 2) why did it go away when we took dairy away? OR could it still be milk allergy......is there such thing as an allergy that builds up? Could she be allergic but only have a reaction if she has more than a certain amount,, or if she has dairy products every day for a certain amount of time? I'm so confused. If she isn't reacting to dairy anymore, then the doctor most likely won't order the blood tests. She'll say "well, she's ok now, no need for testing". That means we won't know for sure. We will just wait until it all happens again and start over again???? Aaaargh sometimes doctors frustrate the heck out of me. I want to know WHY she was throwing up almost every night for a month.

Milk and cheese and yogurt, oh my!

Madison has now been (mostly) dairy free for about 2 weeks now. Her vomiting has been reduced to the days when we slip up and she eats something that has milk in it.
We visited the doctor again today. She was as surprised as we are. We are remaining in the "experiment" stage of treatment though. Since this aversion to dairy came on so suddenly, we are examining it very carefully. Doctor's order are to continue dairy free for a couple more weeks. Then, a little at a time, re-introduce some cheese or yogurt (not straight milk) and see what happens. If the vomiting returns, then we will proceed to an allergist where Madison will undergo allergy testing to figure out which part of milk is making her ill (milk protein? lactose?) This will give us a clearer picture of what is happening and what we have to avoid. For instance, if it's lactose, we simply have to substitute lactose-free options, or apparently there is a medication (Lactaid) that can help. If it's milk protein, then we will have to avoid anything that has milk, or bi-products of milk, in it.
A little bit of good news.....I was convinced that my skinny little daughter was losing more weight than she could afford to lose. She looks like skin and bones to me. However, at the doctor's office they weighed her and she has NOT lost ANY weight. Still hanging in at 51 lbs.
Hooray!!

Maddy Update

As some of you know, we have been working with our pediatrician to figure out what's going on with Madison.  She isn't "sick" as in contagious sickness.  She throws up at night.  She has been doing it for about 3 weeks.  The doctor thought it was acid re-flux.  We have tried 2 different acid re-flux medications, both without any results.  The doctor said, as a shot in the dark, to take dairy out of her diet for a couple days.  Neither of us thought this would produce any results.  After all, she's almost 9, wouldn't we have noticed a milk allergy by now?

However, taking dairy out of Madison's diet seems to have actually worked.  She went puke-free for all 3 days.  Then we re-introduced a regular, dairy-included diet and the vomiting began again.  So here we are on day 2 of dairy-free experiment 2.  The doctor is on vacation so I can't really update her.  I don't know if there is any testing she wants to do or if we just go forward from here with no dairy.

I thought "how can she be allergic to dairy all of a sudden?" and, as I always do when I need more information about something, I hopped onto the computer and began researching.  It seems sudden allergy development is pretty rare.  But maybe it wasn't so sudden.  According to an article on ehow.com milk allergy can also cause long-term symptoms like dark circles around the eyes, respiratory problems and stuffy/runny nose.  All of which Madison has experienced on a regular basis.  She has also has had unexplained bouts of vomiting in the past.  At one point, we thought she was hypoglycemic, and the vomiting caused by too much sugar.  My only question is this: If she is allergic to milk, why does the vomiting come in bouts?  Wouldn't it be an every-day occurrence if she was eating/drinking milk products?

I need your help!

I am continuing on with the steps.  On Improve Photography there is an article titled "22 Things You Can Do Today to Change Your Photography Forever".  I am faithfully going down the list and completing each step. You can read my previous posts for steps I have done so far.  For the next step, I need YOUR help.....

Step 5: Print your best 75 photos and have a non-photographer critique them.  They say to "ask a friend or neighbor  WHO HAS NEVER SEEN YOUR PICTURES" to place them in order from favorite to least favorite, and then find out why they chose the order that they chose.  Do I HAVE 75 pictures I think are worth printing?  I'm not sure.  I will have to go through all my pics and put together a collection.  Hopefully I will get to 75.  If not, this step will be completed on a smaller scale.  The part in ALL CAPS, though, is what I am finding to be difficult.  I mention my photography to anyone who will listen.  I have shown most people at least a sampling of my work.  So, the hunt is on.  Is there anyone out there who has never seen any of my photography?  Any volunteers to look at, examine, and critique a pile of my pictures?  Please leave a comment below if you would like to play Photo Critic!!!

Step 6: Write a guest post for a photography blog.  I think I have to skip this one for now.  Being a guest writer requires in-depth knowledge about whatever your subject is.  I believe I need more experience, practice and training before I will have anything worth sharing.

Step 7: Shoot night photography in your own city.  I like this one.  I have many, MANY pictures of Petoskey, but I don't think any of them are at night. With the lovely arctic January weather, I will freeze my butt off in the process, but I am planning on doing this soon.  If you happen to see me lurking about Petoskey at night, now you know why.  

The Best Photo

Ok, I looked and looked but always came back to this one.  I can't actually put it on here since I don't have permission to use the photo, but here's the link:
click HERE

This image is by Miles Morgan.  It's a picture of Thor's Well.  Thor's Well looks like a hole sucking up all the ocean water.  According to Wikipedia

The Spouting Horn (also known as Thor's Well) is a salt water fountain driven by the power of the ocean tide. The Devil’s Churn and the Spouting Horn are popular with visitors; however, both can be dangerous especially at high tide and during winter storms.

There are thousands of pictures of Thor's Well available, so why do I like this one above all the others?  The serenity of the beautiful sunset in the background is a contradiction to the power you can see in the foreground.  It's a long exposure, because the water looks all soft and fluffy.  This technique is one I have been trying to perfect.  The water looks like it just disappears into the whole, like the drain in the bathtub.  It makes me want to know more.  Where does the water go?  How deep is the hole?  Where is this?  It also makes me want to visit the spot and try my hand at taking a great photo like this.  It's inspiration!  It inspires me to find something beautiful and make a wonderful photo of it.  Oh, by the way, Thor's Well happens to be part of the Cape Perpetua coastline of Oregon.  Yes, Oregon, right here the good ol' USA!

Self Improvement, Continued

I am carrying on.  As I mentioned before, improvephotography.com has an article titled "22 Things You Can Do Today to Change Your Photography Forever" an I am following their steps.  See my previous post for steps 1 and 2.
Step 3: Enter a photography contest.  Ok, so while I am waiting for the pictures I ordered to arrive, I decided to move on to the next step.  Do you have any idea how many photo contests there are?!?!  Go head, google "photo contest", See how many PAGES you get.  I browsed through the results for about half and hour before I found a website I liked the looks of. ViewBug.com - One website, LOTS of different contests.  Many free ones, many fee-based ones.  I stuck to the free contests for now, since I will be sinking some cash into mattes and frames for those 4 prints I ordered.  I entered pictures into 4 different contests.  The "Mist" contest, the "Body Shapes" contest, the "Couples" contest, and the "Passion for Photography" contest.  The first one closes on January 28 and then the judges have the difficult task of choosing a winner.  What a tough job.  I can make it easy........just choose me.  Hahaha.
Step 4:  Look up the best photo you have ever seen and decide why you like it.  Oh boy.  That's going to be a tough one.  There are so MANY pictures that I LOVE.  How to choose just one?  I will have to get back to you on that one............

Self Improvement

In my last post, I asked you what YOUR resolution was this year.  So I suppose I should share mine.  I have gone through many.  Small ones, large ones, silly ones, stupid ones, impossible ones.  I have settled on two fairly major resolutions for 2012, but I believe they are both achievable resolutions, and I intend to stick to them.

The first one is a common resolution: weight loss.  So many people resolve to lose weight, and do great for a month or so.  But because their motivation comes from the wrong place, they fail, fall off the wagon.  They lie to themselves.  "That diet doesn't work" or "I just didn't have time" or "I guess I was meant to be this weight"  The truth is, they were just doing it for the wrong reason.  When they find the right reason, it will happen, they will succeed.  In the past I have tried to lose weight to look better, to be a good role model for my kids, or so my husband would have a skinny, sexy wife.  Needless to say, I fell off the wagon with all the others.  This time, I decided I have had enough.  I am tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see.  End of story.  I simply want to be happy with myself.  2012 is the year to be happy with myself.  I WILL succeed!

My second resolution is also self-improvement related.  I want to do all I can to improve my photography, and build my business.  I want to get a degree in photography, but I haven't done so for several "reasons". I can't afford it, I don't have time, I'm scared to fail.  AHA!  That's the only real reason!  Fear of failure.  So, no more excuses!  I have decided that, somehow, someway, I will begin classes with the Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online!  Yay!  Scary, but exciting!  In the meantime, I am trying to better my photography in other ways.  I found the website improvephotography.com and they just happen to have an article titled "21 Things You Can Do Today to Change Your Photography Forever".  Wow!  It's like they heard my thoughts and wrote it just for me.  So I began - and even discovered some steps that I have already done!  Look at me, improving my photography without even realizing it!
Step 1: Learn EVERY function your camera is capable of performing.  Done!  I sat down, camera in hand, and flipped every switch, changed every setting, fiddled with every knob on my camera.  I took about 25 pictures of my keys hanging on the wall to see what each change did to the photo.  It took me about 45 minutes.  The article says it should have taken 2 hours.  So either I already knew most of the functions, or they expect me to have a much fancier camera with many, many more functions.  Someday, I will, and I can't wait to play with all the knobs and doo-dads on it!!
Step 2: Prepare your work for exhibition.  Wow, that's a big step.  Or at least it seemed like it at first.  Simply put, though, they are saying I should have a collection of my photos matted and framed, stacked somewhere JUST IN CASE someone wants to see or (joy of joys!) buy any of my work.  There are so many variables to this step, though.  Which ones should I print?  How big should I print them?  Should I matte them myself or have it done?  How many should I do?  Where will I store them?  How do I sign them?  What color mattes should I put them in?  What kind of frame?  Will a $10 frame from Walmart work as well as a $45 frame from the custom framing store?  Does it REALLY matter?  After all, the frame doesn't make the picture..........but it could make it look better. Presentation is EVERYTHING (or so I have always been told).   All the decisions overwhelmed me and dollar signs started popping up in my head.  I felt myself pulling away, panicking, backing out, saying "nevermind", sabotaging myself.....again.  That's when I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  No one said I had to prepare ALL my work for exhibition all AT THE SAME TIME.  Tonight, I started small.  Really small.  I ordered 10x13's of my 4 favorite photos.  One by one, I will take them to the custom framing store to be professionally matted and framed. Presentation may not be everything, but it won't hurt.   I will sit down with the lady behind the counter, carefully examine and compare matting colors, framing colors and styles, decide which combination will best display that particular photo. Then, like a loving mother, I will nervously hand over my precious photo and trust her to take care of my baby and dress it up nice.  It's a step in the right direction.  I'll keep you updated as I follow the other 19 steps they outline.

2012 Inspiration

Happy New Year!  It's 2012.  What is your new year's resolution?  Drink more water.....eat less.....exercise more.....lose weight..... You start off strong, but how long will you stick to it?  We all come to a point when we need a little inspiration, a little motivation, something to remind us of why we made the resolution in the first place.  Here are a few of my favorites - don't forget to listen to the song too.

	Heather Small - Proud .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Only One Pound

Hello, do you know me?

If you don't, you should.  I'm a pound of fat,

and I'm the HAPPIEST pound of fat that you would ever want to meet.

Want to know why?

It's because no one ever wants to lose me.

I'm ONLY ONE POUND, just a pound!

Everyone wants to lose three pounds, five pounds or fifteen pounds,

but never only one.

So I just stick around and happily keep you fat.

then I add to myself, ever so slyly, so that you never seem to  notice it.

that is, until I've grown to ten, twenty, thirty or even more pounds in weight.

yes, it's fun being ONLY ONE POUND of fat, left to do as I please.

So when you weigh in, keep right-on saying "Oh, I only lost one pound"

For you see, if you do this, you'll encourage others to keep me around

Because they'll think I'm not worth losing.

And I love being around you - your arms, your legs, your chin, your hips

and every part of you.  Happy days!

After all, I'm ONLY ONE POUND of fat!

~ Unknown

The older you get, the tougher is it to lose weight, 

because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

~ Unknown

The tragedy in life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.  

The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.

~Benjamin Franklin

You have no idea what you're capable of until you try.

~Jillian Michaels